Approach any girl in a coffee shop with the blatant intention of picking her up, and you will fail. I’m not a fan of the term ‘picking up girls’. I am a woman, I have many female friends, trust me on this one. I am going to tell you exactly what you are doing wrong and how to fix your technique! Relax, there’s a very simple approach to meeting women in coffee shops who will actually want to give you their number, and do not just feel obliged because you’ve gone and put them on the spot.

Coffee shops are actually great places to meet people, make new friends and er… ‘pick up’ girls. Why? Because drinking hot beverages like tea and coffee is a social activity, but ironically people tend to frequent coffee shops alone. This poses a dual complex for guys looking to meet girls, because the opportunity of sparking a conversation with a girl sat by herself is high, but the probability that she doesn’t want to be disturbed, let alone ‘picked up’ is also high.


Having The Right Attitude

The first thing you should do before even attempting to go on the prowl, is change your attitude. Women do not like to be ‘picked up’. Anything that makes a woman feel like an object, a quest or anything but an intelligent individual is offensive. Fix this first by doing the following:

  1. Throw away everything anyone has ever told you about chat-up lines. They don’t work.
  2. Go in with the intention of finding common ground, rather than just getting her number.
  3. Respect a girl’s privacy, if she looks busy, she probably is.


The Casual Approach

The next thing you have to think about is ‘The Casual Approach’. You’re not in a bar, people go to bars to meet other people, but coffee shops are different. If you approach a girl and attempt to start up a conversation it has to feel natural, which means it must be relevant; to you, to her, and to the situation. If you dive in and start talking to her or asking her random questions, she’s just going to look up in surprise and think – what’s going on here?

  1. Get her attention visually before you approach her to talk. This might mean a smile in the queue if you have both reached out to grab the same item. It might mean that you catch her eye as you enter the coffee shop, which means you know she’s already seen you and shown a slight interest before you ask her later if she’d mind sharing her table because the coffee shop is busy. We’re talking some non-verbal casual connection. You just have to find a way to make her notice you first.
  2. Have a relevant reason to say something. If you have come in from the rain and you’re taking off a wet jacket you can apologize for flicking water her way, even if you didn’t, and then start by making a comment on the weather because it will encourage her to respond without thinking you are coming onto her. Pick something neutral and universal at this stage, like how busy it is, and then once she has acknowledged you, or shown some mutual connection, you can immediately expand into general conversation.
  3. Spark an interest. Once you have established a non-verbal connection, and initiated general conversation, then your next task is to find something you have in common and probe her to show an interest in you. The trick is to try and steer her into responding to something you have said by asking you a question that relates to you. If she has asked a question about you, you have succeeded in opening up her curiosity, and you can take it as a green light to suggest exchanging numbers. Bear in mind that there should be a relevant reason to exchange numbers, otherwise she’ll know you’ve just ‘picked her up’.


Useful Ideas For Props

It can be useful to have props that are easy to bring into the conversation, because it helps to make you seem genuine. Women will show an interest if you have something interesting to share with them that naturally links to the conversation, and that extends from the general chit chat. Here are some ideas, be as ordinary or creative as you want…

  • A Book or Newspaper you can comment on in relation to the general conversation you are having. Make sure you are familiar and passionate about whatever it is that you have to say about it, and don’t forget to make sure it’s relevant to the conversation.
  • A Laptop or tablet with easy access to the internet – great for bringing up information, pictures or details about a related event you may have just mentioned…
  • Anything related to what you do for a living or as a personal hobby, if it is easy to tie naturally into conversation and perhaps draw it in a new direction.
  • An object you have just purchased from a shop, that you can relate to the conversation.
  • Any object that has an interesting story behind it, that is easy to link into conversation.



I was sitting in a coffee shop minding my own business. I had a drink and a magazine. I was idly flicking through, but not totally absorbed. As my eyes were wandering, I caught sight of a man who briefly looked at me as he walked in to order his coffee.

The coffee shop was busy, he was looking for a space to sit as he approached. Because we had already made eye contact it was easy for him to smile at me warmly and ask if I minded him sitting at my table. I told him to go ahead and made some space. We were already interacting at this point, and he had obviously done a good job of catching my attention in the most natural way possible.

As we were drinking our coffees, he was sorting out his newspaper and he caught my eye again. As soon as he saw I was awkward he broke the tension by casually apologizing for staring but he had noticed my necklace and asked where I had got it. The necklace was unusual, admittedly, but at this point I did feel as if it was a pick-up line.

I politely said it was from a craft market, to which he replied that he was a Jewelry Artist, and I immediately relaxed. Coincidentally I happen to dabble in a bit of hand-crafted jewelry myself so we had something in common, which he wouldn’t have found out had he not taken the initiative to think outside the box in the first place It wasn’t long before he was talking about his studio and work, and we had exchanged business cards and numbers. Simple.

Written by Scarlett Robinson